Introduction

Alright... this is basically what's happening:


Except, I don't have a kid and a multi-million dollar fortune. Other than that, it's pretty much the same. Oh, and I didn't annoy the professor this much... yet.

So, as you gathered, I am taking classes for stuff I already know.

After much arguing, teeth-pulling, and the like... I decided that it couldn't hurt to go through some intro classes just to refresh the ole brain cells.

I was so f*cking wrong.

First off... first assignment... build a webpage.

WTF?

This is an intro class... to web design... using coding!

BY HAND!!!

Yes, I know how to code by hand.

Yes, I've done it before.

Yes, Yes... you're trying to assess my skills, I got it.

But, damn!

I just started this class and me - like any other person - would just be like "You know what... any person with no HTML skills would just drop this course in a hot second!"

Then I had to take it through the damn validator.

You know what (again)?

No one's going to look at my website and be like "Damn, I wonder if they coding is valid to W3C standards. Hmm... let me copy and paste the link to find out!"

No.

They give a f*ck if it's pretty.

Does it have sparkly awesome things that people can click on?

Does it have the information that they need to provide to people?

Does it have... buttons?

That's it.

Not to dumb down anyone, but that's what the f*ck they want.

I refused to make a sparkly/pretty/glitterbomby website for someone because it... just wasn't me.

It's not often that I refuse work.

I just... can't.

I don't even know how to think in (as my friends say) derpy-derp terms.

So, whatever. I finish my first class assignment... in 10 years.

It looks pretty f*cking awe-tastic, especially for a quick synopsis.

It's got so much depth, and seeming with possibilities.

LOL... just kidding.

It's pretty much a plain website about a movie I like.

I do it, try to throw some tables in just for arrangement purposes (OCD coming out there), and then post it up.

Find out that I have to take it through this stupid validator.

Do it.

Comes back with 25 errors or some crap.

25 ERRORS?!

I don't even understand what line which error REALLY occurs on.

A little thing about HTML validators, they don't really tell you WHERE the error is... just what LINE is affected by it. So kiss your common-sense ass goodbye, because you're going to be reading code - line by line - all f*cking night!

It takes me a week to find out that, although technically my coding IS correct (sans a few grammar mishaps), it's not W3C standard.

What does that mean?

They don't like it.

They say that the coding "might not work" on certain browsers.

What? Like Netscape 1.1?

I don't care about it not working on Netscape 1.1.

If you don't have the latest, most up-to-date browser, for ANYTHING...

... then just stop using the computer.

Unless you're a programmer, just... don't.

Upgrade DAMMIT!

(*sigh*... *deep breath*... *reeling it in*)

Okay.

So, we just go through the motions with this assignment. (*yes, that's me talking to/with myself*)

I take it through the damn validator like 6 or 7 hundred times.

It finally clears, with a crap-ass looking site.

Whatever.

It's the first assignment, I'm not supposed to know how to code anyway.

I submit it... one day ahead of schedule so that I don't look like "gee, I did this sh*t in one day, I submit it in one day, done by Tuesday", but instead like "alright, I slaved over this piece of sh*t website for about 3 or 4 days... God help me that it's correct!!!" (*the three exclamation marks are essential to expressing my empathy, or lack thereof*)

Anyway, done.

I did the assignment, the super-simple quiz (which I used a book "anyway" because God knows how definitions change from one person to another), and submit it all one day in advance.

I check my emails this morning, just to see if any important news crosses my path from work.

I see that an email was forwarded to me from my class (no biggie, I set it up that way).

"You didn't use tables properly. They're all different lengths."

Really?

No sh*t, Sherlock.

I planned it that way.

The tables don't all need to be the same rows and sh*t.

They just need to be... tables.

And yes, I had a blank row.

It's called "spacing".

And, the damn HTML validator had nothing to say about it.

So, up yours!

(*reeling it back in*)

Anyway, I sent a nicely-worded note asking the instructor to please explain how I'm supposed to know this magical piece of anal-retentive information.

The validator didn't say sh*t.

Neither should you.

Leave it alone.

(*sigh*)

I'll let you know (via another blog post) how it turns out.

Until then, maybe I won't run into a Professor like Sam Kinison: